Agent Mothman
by Dreamer16
Summary: Ah yes... Spoof of 'Austin Powers: The Spy Who ------- Me' Part 2. Using the IZ cast. Rewritten.
1. No more tacos

I'm sorry if characters are a bit out of it, they may come over a bit Austin Power-y. I've rewriten the fiction again. All the other chapters are down for reconstruction.

Anyway, on with the fiction:

_Dib Membrane, the Paranormal Investigator Who ... Liked Me_.

* * *

Evil, Evil is his one and only name. Evil, in his mind there is no other game!   
  
Old Kid, who had long given up on an education, was down on earth looking though his telescope. He was innocently admiring the stars when he recoiled in shock. Unable to believe what he was seeing he looked though the eye piece again. He could see bright yellow text was slowly receding into the starry sky, Star Wars style. It read:  
  
_**Dib Membrane, International Man of Mystery, was cyrogenicaly frozen in 2015 at the age of 20 and defrosted in 2030 to battle his nemesis, Dr. Zim. After foiling his archenemy's plan to create an amry of evil Bologna people, Dib banished Zim to the cold recesses of space and settled down with his new wife, Zita (35 years old), to live happily ever after. Or so he had thought...**_   
  
Sara was terrified of the thought of visiting the moon and was not interested in other planets. So it was a huge irony on her part that she became an astronaut. Why? She had been forced into it by an inaccurate career's test. So, now she was currently in outer space repairing the outside of Taco-13 NASA's new state-of-the-art satellite and scared out of her wits. She briefly looked at planet Earth, trying not to burst into tears, though her space helmet window.  
  
Her chin began to wobble as she rolled duck tape over the cracks in the Taco-13's metal surface. She was a pitiful sight. A poor excuse of a spaceman ... When the duck tape had ran out she ended up using glue tack to cover up the last of the holes.  
  
'H-H-Houston, t-this is S-S-Sara. C-C-Completion o-f t-the r-r-repairs,' she whimpered, cursing Ms. Bitters silently for making her become an astronaut. 'W-we're a-a-about- WAAHHHHH! ICanttakeitanymoreeee-! Huh? What the- Scary Monkey?' she cried incredulously. 'Houston ... we have a ... ehhh-er a problem?' she guessed as a huge model of 'Scary Monkey' floated past her.   
  
Launch procedure commence   
  
The model of Scary Monkey aimed it's purple tail up with Earth and a egg shaped ship shot out of the end.   
  
'Watch out flithy humans! Here I come! Ahahahaha! Ahahaha!' cackled Zim as his egg ship flew towards Earth. 'Ahahahahah- Oh crud!' He screeched when his ship's eggshell began to crack.  
  
Meanwhile ... where we last left Dib.  
  
The Citonme Hotel has a fine five star reputation. You can get a room from as cheap as nine hundred per night. The high standard chefs will cater for your every taste bud need and for- Oh right, the story.   
  
In the Citonme Hotel there is a large oak door, the words 'Honeymoon suite' are painted on to it. A muffled "Give it to me! Hhhhhhhmmmmmmm! Mmmmmmmmmmm!" could be heard from behind the thick door.  
  
The scene then changes to Dib and Zita who sink next to each other on the bed gasping. Dib's glasses which are askew have one broken frame and he has taco sauce on his face. Zita's purple hair which is normally spiky and neat in a black hair band is currently in a messy ball of purple fuzz, she has a Krazy Taco wrapper in between her teeth.   
  
'No ... more... tacos,' groaned Dib, eyelids drooping.   
  
'What shall we do now?' asked Zita brightly, smiling with all her teeth which had food in them.   
  
'I got a idea why don't we ...' Dib's eyes suddenly brightened and he sat up, 'conduct paranormal investigations?'   
  
'What?' asked Zita her smile frozen, blinking her semi-pink eyes. 'Why now? We're on our-' she made a noise like a can-opener choking and said in a robotic voice, '-_honeymoon._'  
  
Dib sighed inwardly. 'I know but ... they're here,' he said darkly, eyes narrowed. Evil music played for a split second to add to the effect.  
  
Zita arched a purple eyebrow which sent white sparks of electricity flying from her pinkish-red eyes, and said, 'OK then. I'm going get us some more champagne, Dibby.' She then made a funny rewinding noise. 'I'm going get us some more champagne, Dibby.'   
  
Dib cast a funny look around the room as Zita got out of bed. 'Are you ... all right?' he asked.   
  
'I've never felt more _error-not-found_,' she said, snapping the champagne bottle in half.   
  
'All right then ... I'm just gonna watch ... T.V.' said Dib slowly.  
  
He sat on the floor in front of the T.V. while suspiciously watching Zita. She was pouring champagne, from the broken bottle, into a glass. Grabbing the remote control, without taking his eyes off Zita, he switched on the T.V. She then ate the champagne bottle. Dib chanced a glance at the T.V. screen when she had left the room.   
  
'Mysterious Mysteries! I've not seen this since I was 10!' he pressed full volume button and Zita walked back in to the room with a loud buzzing noise, like a chain-saw, coming from her. 'What's that noise?' he asked.  
  
'NOISE?! WHAT NOISE?!'  
  
Dib, startled, scooted backwards pointing the remote-control at Zita.   
  
'I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING D-!'   
  
Dib had pressed mute, her lips were moving but no sound was coming out.   
  
'You must be-' Dib pressed 'SAP' on the remote control and Zita said in a man's voice, 'Tu imaginacion esta jugando con ti, querido.'   
  
'That's ... weird,' muttered Dib. He leapt to his feet as Zita as stalked towards him. 'Stand back! I know ... how to slap!'  
  
Zita grabbed him by the throat, lifting him clear off the floor, which was stange because Dib was taller. He clawed at her hands, trying to free up his neck and in his panic plus lack of oxygen, threw a glass of water in her face. It wouldn't have effected a real human, but her plastic skin began to melt off and it left behind a robot face. The metal face was staring at him.   
  
'My paranormal investigator senses tell me you are a... a fembot!' he choked in a strangled voice. 'It all makes sense now! The cupboards full of W-40-'  
  
She cut him off by tightening her grip on his neck. 'I am Robo-Zita!' she exclaimed in a robot voice, her lightblub eyes turning red.  
  
She dropped him to the floor and machine gun shot out of her boobies.   
  
'Machine gun breasts?' exclaimed Dib, smacking his head. 'How did I miss those? It's not like they weren't staring me in the face all the time!'   
  
'Perhaps next time you should try foreplay!'   
  
'Right,' said Dib nodding. 'Oh crud,' he muttered, lunging for cover, as Zita's boobs began to fire bullets.   
  
Dib hid behind a table on it's side and began to wave a white flag.   
  
_'Here is your Evil Wedding present, Dib_!' said Zim's voice, though Robo-Zita's speakers.  
  
'Zim! You escaped Outer Space Imprisonment!'  
  
'... yes.'  
  
'I know your evil scheme, Zim!'  
  
'Really?'  
  
'No, not really, but you'll never get away with it!'  
  
'I think I will, Dib. I think I will. Ahahahahahaha! Anyhow, I hope you enjoy your Exploding-Kamikaze-Bride wedding present!'   
  
Zita then blew up in a huge blast of silicon, leaving the room a black colour with jelly-like clear blobs on the wall. Bits of robot were scattered around. Feathers were flying everywhere. Most things were smashed and a few things were on fire too. Dib, however, still in one piece automatically checks his laptop computer.  
  
'Oh thank god,' he sighed relived everything was where it should be. Only one letter on keyboard was damaged.  
  
He came across Zita's plastic right hand with the ring still on it and chucked it resenfully out the window. He said to the room at large, 'I can't believe Zita was a rombot, a part of Zim's evil scheme, all along... I loved her...' There was sad music in the background, then he hissed, 'How the hell did I not notice it?'  
  
He looked annoyed for a minute then something dawned on him.  
  
'I'M A WIDOW!' he shouted and ran out the hotel room.   
  
Shortly afterwards   
  
The rich European guests mill about the Citonme's luxurious lobby. The Queen was supposed to be arriving any minute...  
  
'Oh, Poppy!' squealed a old woman, carrying up her little black and white pet dog down the stairs. 'It's such a beautiful day! How about you and I go for a lovely wallllkkkk!' The old lady dropped her beloved dog in shock. A young man wearing nothing but eye glasses strolled past her. 'Well, hello there, handsome,' she said slapping the 20-year-old on the backside.  
  
'Stop!' Dib said to a waiter, that was passing on the stairs, with a plate of drinks. He took a martini.  
  
He, in his nakedness, headed towards the bar sipping his drink. He danced past a old man in a suit, who was sitting at the bar sipping an alcoholic beverage. This made the old clogger spray vodka and lemon over the bar tender. He then fixed his scythe like hair and pranced past a group of rich old ladies, who were, like the first old lady, pleasantly surprised to see a young man dancing around naked. He danced though one of the hotel's bigger dinning rooms and stood behind sausages and in front of bananas, for our amusement. He arrives at the pool, now in a speedo, with a mob of women behind him. He dived into the swimming pool doing a mid air somersault and went under with a splash. When he breaks surface, after a few moments, he is wearing a pink woman's swimsuit complete with a pink shower cap. A group of women in the same pink swimming suit as him lunge in to the water and they all do synchronised swimming around him.  
  
Dib shook his head trying to rid the image. A man, with hair like his, had just danced past him butt naked. Dib had thought this was a five star hotel, not a strip club. Even though he was in the hotel cocktail bar, he didn't expect that. He finished his martini and looked back to his laptop on his knee. Dib's eye twitched as he tryed to ignore the groups of women, young and old, run past him after Mr. Birthday Suit. He needed to find were Zim was hiding before the world was destroyed and he needed to concentrate...  
  
What? You thought Dib was running around naked did you? He is wearing clothes! Oh, fine. For those of you who want Dib nudity...  
  
Dib, being daring, flashed his nipples in the bar. The old man at the bar winked at him.

* * *

_**Please review!**_

_All the Invader Zim characters are older as it is. Save confusion_

_Dib-20(frozen for 15 years)_

_ Zita - 35_

_ Sara -35_

_ Old Kid - Really Old_


	2. Bleep

NATO Monitoring facilely GUAM   
  
The monitoring facilely was the white high tech looking building with huge satellites on it. It is where the unfit soldiers and the should-be-retired army generals were sent. This was because all you needed to work there was a reasonably tough butt to get though the whole day of sitting on the uncomfortable military chairs. It was a terribly dull job though.  
  
Billy Slunchy, an ex-solider, was the bored looking worker in the light blue uniform. He has been sitting in front of a wall of screens for five hours now and he was starting to feel tired. Each screen was displaying a different place where riots look like they might start out, so far no luck.  
  
'Keep a close eye on that Kreplachistian situation, Billy,' ordered his old ex-military boss, nodding at the eighth screen on the wall. It showed two old ladies shopping in a supermarket. 'And make sure your pimples don't get in the way of your vision!'  
  
'Yes, Sir!' said Billy dutifully as his boss walked away laughing at his own joke.   
  
Billy having made sure his boss was gone, muttered 'Jerk,' and switched the T.V over to...   
  
'Jerry! Jerry!' screamed the audience.   
  
Billy grinned to himself, this was much less boring than watching potential riots.   
  
'Heeheheehee!' was cackled in the annoying screechy voice we all learned to associate with Sponge-Bob. 'You see, Sponge-Son! That is why I have to take over the world!' said the helium filled voice.  
  
It was Sponge-Bob-Square-Pants on the Jerry Spinger Show. Sponge-Bob was sat on the stage with a cardboard box labled 'SUN' next to him.  
  
'Okkkkkk ...' said Jerry Springer slightly confused. 'We'll be with you again after these messages.'   
  
Billy looked behind himself nervously. No sign of the boss that was always good sign. He looked back at the screen when he heard clapping.  
  
'Thank you!' said Jerry Springer into his microphone. 'If you've just joined us, today's topic is 'My Evil Father and Wants to Take Over the World'.'   
  
The audience booed since world domination by some evil nut was not high in their priorities.  
  
'OK, let's meet Jr. Zim!' said Jerry making a sort of hand motion to someone off stage.   
  
The audience clapped as a very, very pale green male Irken with bright red eyes walked on to the stage timidly. The Irken was wearing all black clothes with a little Irken skull necklace. It looked like he had been given style tips from Gaz. Without this in mind, he still didn't look quite right by Irken standards. It may have been because his face was too round, his antennae were pointed backwards, his red Irken eyes had little square pupils or that he was wearing glasses. Whatever it was, he was a strange Irken. The crowds cheered as he took his seat next to Sponge-Bob.  
  
'Hi, Jr. Zim. Nice to have you with us. Tell us about your father.' Jerry read off from a card in his hand.   
  
'Well, Dad is the founder of Zim Inc, his own world-wide organisation of evil. He tried to make an army of Evil Bologna People,' mumbled the Irken meekly, adjusting his glasses. 'I think he owns MacMeaties too...'  
  
The other guests (this included Timmy Turner and his father - Fairly Odd Parents) on the show looked at each other quizzically. This wuss surely wasn't Zim's son, the Irken-with-an-ego-ten-feet-taller-than-him.  
  
'Pretty serious stuff. Where is he now?'   
  
'He's been sentecned to 100 years of orbiting the earth ... so I suppose he's in outer space.'   
  
'That's what you think, but we have a surprise for you. OK, let's bring out Jr. Zim's father Dr. Zim!'   
  
Zim burst through the double doors out on to the stage wearing his usual getup, black gloves, pink and red shirt and black trousers.  
  
'BOOOOOOOOOO!' the entire audience cried.   
  
'Silence, Stink-Beasts!' ordered Zim pointing at the audience.   
  
Billy Slunchy squinted at the screen. He recognised that Zim character...   
  
'General Sim, we've got a situation over here,' said Billy, when he realised his boss was watching him.   
  
'What is it, Slunchy?' asked his boss, looking over the Billy's shoulder.   
  
Billy nodded toward the monitor that had Zim talking to his son on it.   
  
'So ... Jr. Zim,' said Zim, sitting next to his son.   
  
'How could you do this to me on national television?' asked Jr. Zim head in his hands.   
  
'Well! It's good to see you grew up to be the ungrateful little smeet you always were!' The audience gasped at the comment.   
  
Jr. Zim looked up and glared at his father. 'Why should I be grateful? You ran out on me!'  
  
'Yes, yes I had reasons for that,' Zim said dismisavly.  
  
'What reasons?' asked his son, annoyed.   
  
'You want the truth?! You can't handle the ugly truth!'  
  
'Your such a Drama-Queen Father!'  
  
'Fine! I will tell you! Invader's blood marches through my veins, like giant radioactive rubberpants! But it does not march through yours!' declared Zim, to the cameras. The audience awed. 'Well it's true!' Zim turned to his son. 'Maybe it is your pathetic, non-Irken upbringing but you're not even evil enough! You're semi-evil!' Zim grabbed his son by his shirt and stared him dead in the eye. 'You're the margarine of evil! You're the diet coke of evil, just one calorie not evil enough!' Zim finished his speech by letting go of Jr. Zim, leaping to his feet and pointing to the heavens.  
  
'WHAT ARE YOU SOME KINDA FREAK?!' screeched Sponge-Bob, standing up and pointing at Jr. Zim. Jr. Zim shrank away from Sponge-Bob obviously freaked out. 'I'll kick you're bleep bleep!' screamed Sponge Bob doing a little threatening dance. He then turned to the cameras. 'First Nickelodeon! THEN THE WORLD HEHEHEHE!' Sponge-Bob, randomly, then played his nose like a flute.  
  
Zim held his gloved hand up palm facing Sponge-Bob. 'Insolent Sponge-Beast! No one speaks to my son like that. Its all right, Juniour, just ignore the STUPID SPONGEEEEEEEEEE!' shouted Zim, tackling Sponge-Bob.   
  
There was a lot of censored swearing as security guards, in black shirts with 'Jerry Springer' printed on them, tried to pull Zim off Sponge-Bob. When they finally managed to restrain Zim, Sponge-Bob had two chunks of his head missing. He now looked a bit like a hexagon.  
  
Zim spat out yellow foam from between his zipper teeth. 'Ok. Ok. I'm all right,' said Zim reassuringly. When the security guard loosened his grip Zim ran back to Sponge Bob his fists flying. 'Bleep you, you bleep bleep! FIRST YOU TAKE MY DAMN TIME SLOT, YOU STINK SPONGE! THEN YOU INSULT MY SONNNNNNN! Curse you, Sponge-Bob! Curse yooooooou!' Jerry Springer himself even tried to stop the fight, but got punched in the eye by Zim.   
  
'I HATE YOU ALL!!!' screamed Jr. Zim, throwing a statue of Scary Monkey at the camera.   
  
Back at the NATO Monitoring facilely GUAM static was being displayed by the T.V. screen. Worker and boss exchanged strange looks.   
  
'Better check into that,' said the General putting his hand on the Billy's shoulder, before walking off. 


End file.
